Whirlpool

Lately my anxiety level has been so high I can hardly calm myself down enough to sleep at night. Last night, I spent over an hour just listening to my Zune, trying to keep my mind from spinning...It helped, but I wish I could just lay down and sleep. I'd almost rather be battling the Mono from earlier this fall than not sleeping. I hate this CONSTANT feeling of unease. I have this constant feeling that there's something I should be doing, decisions I should be making, action I should be taking.

I'm having so much trouble deciding what my next step, or decision, should be. I feel so "in between." I just want someone to sit down with me and show me my Road Map for Life and let me go. All I want is a plan. I thrive on plans and expectations. Without them I'm so lost. I don't want to be making these decisions all on my own. So many people expect different things from me and, at the moment, I feel like I'm having a hard time listening to what my own expectations are. And I'm really not sure I ever clearly knew what I wanted for myself. You remember those tests they make college freshmen take to see what you might be good at?? I feel like I'm back at square one. Not good when I just finished my second degree.

I hate this feeling of helplessness and being lost. I've always been so sure of myself.....