"Better on the Other Side"

Tribute to Michael Jackson
by The Game, Diddy, Usher, Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, and Boyz II Men





LYRICS
[Diddy talking]
I remember the first time I seen you moonwalk,
I believed I could do anything,
you made the world dance,
you made the music come to life

[Chris brown - Chorus]
This the type of song that make the angels cry,
I look up in the sky and I wonder why?
why you had to go, go
I know its better on the other side,
you were chosen from the start
never gon' let you go,

[The Game]
Who's Michael Jackson,
Your Michael Jackson,
I'm Michael Jackson,
We all Michael Jackson,
I guess what I'm asking is everybody bow their head for a legend don't breathe for a second,
now let the air out, grab the hand of somebody you care about,
so you can hear my message, my confession,
someone tell Usher, I seen the moonwalk, I guess the young thriller touched him, like he touched me, like he touched you,
so carry on his legacy, something i must do, so i trust you lighting candles, concrete visuals, me and my brothers listen to Jackson 5 in the living room,
first thing i did when i heard was call puff,
cos him and Mike tried to stop the beef between us,
who was us? Me and fifty, that beef is dead, him and Mike Jackson gonna take us to the ledge.

[Chorus]

As I'm pouring out this liquor candles start to flicker,
when list (?) my air ones, MJ was my nier.
Not the one that play ball, the one with the Hollywood star,
and since I'm a Hollywood star imma tell you my story,
[Courtesy of KillerHipHop.com]
never had a family that close, never see Barry Gordy walking through interscope,
just like me they always had Mike in a scope,
no matter what you say,
imma love him and hes still dope,
let me take you back to 85 when i was in a zone, dancing for my momma thriller jacket with all the zippers on,
now I'm doing 90 bout to crash in this Aston,
listening to Outcast, I'm sorry Mrs Jackson
anything I can ever do to better you your son was our king so we won't Corretta you,
I'm writing this letter to all the Jackson kids, we all Jackson kids, time to let us through.

[Chorus]

[Boys II Men]
This the kind of song that make the angels cry,
look up in the sky and ask God, why o why why
Do we live and let die
This the kind of song that make the angels cry,
look up in the sky and ask God, why o why why
Do we live and let, live and let die.

____________________________________________________________________________________

The first time I heard this song it brought tears to my eyes. Had I been alone I probably would have broken down again. It still amazes me that the death of this man has effected me so deeply. I knew that him and his music were large parts of my life, but to have him gone so unexpectedly just leaves this strange void. He was the one I kept tabs on, always checking my Michael websites just to make sure he was doing fine. Especially now that the London concerts were getting closer. It had been so great to see news on him that wasn't negative. His death makes me wish even more that I had been born in the wrong era, I was meant to live my teens and twenties in the 80's.

Is it healthy to be this connected to a world icon? I don't think there's an answer to that question. Mainly because it is up to those of us who are true fans to take everything that Michael loved and accomplished in his life and make certain that it lives on, despite the death of the creator.

There have been so many things friends of Michael have said, articles that have been written, and videos that have been posted. I would love to share it all here, but there's no way to do so. I could spend days holed up in my room going through Michael things on the internet. Too bad I don't have time to savor this moment in HIStory.



RIP MICHAEL JACKSON

The Day the Music Died

Today has probably been one of the most surreal days of my life. I’m not even sure how to being this blog, only that I need to. I am not being cliché at all when I say that my heart literally broke today. Now I can hardly even order my thoughts enough to write.

This afternoon I was watching the kids, as usual, but we were getting ready for a long evening of ballgames and there was a storm blowing in. So between all that confusion the last tweet I saw on my twitter was Ashton Kutcher saying something about Michael being taken to the hospital...and then another that said Joe Jackson said MJ didn't look good. At this point my level of concern had risen, but the storm was in full force, electricity went out and I had no connection to the outside world (and a list of softball girls to call and tell there was no game...)

So then I start getting texts from people. No names mentioned. Texts that said things like "Well, I guess it's good you don't have to refund your concert tickets" and such. I was bewildered and beyond confused. Then I get one that says "He's dead." That's it...He's dead. Two simple words, but it's mind-blowing how they can change a person's life in mere seconds. I was in total shock, mainly because I couldn't confirm the information for myself. There was no way without electricity. So I call my mom in the field and she's heard it on the radio. At that point I was unable to speak, so instead just cried over the phone to my mother about the death of a man I have never met, probably would never meet, but felt like I had known deeply since I was 6. It's such a strange juxtaposition.

I had first met Michael when I was 6/7 in the middle of Sam's Club. Mom, Dad, Marshall, and I were on a shopping run in Salina and we walked past a display with a TV running this video of a man dancing, I mean really dancing, in a beautiful gold and white outfit. (If you know what video, you're awesome!) I was enthralled and wouldn't leave. Dad stood there with me while Mom went on and explained to me who the beautiful dancer was and what he was doing. I had never seen anything like it. The display was selling the VHS version of his HIStory videos. Which my wonderful daddy purchased for me that day and I STILL have to this day, even though it's worn out.

From that day forward I was a Michael Jackson die-hard. I don't know how many times I've told people in the past that I was born in the wrong era. I wish I could have been my age now in the 80's when everyone truly loved and adored Michael for the amazing human being he was. (past tense....so crazy...)

I can honestly say I think I was drawn to Michael because of the part of him that everyone else labeled as "weird." How does anyone else have the right to judge his choices as an adult when you have NEVER lived the life he did as a child? It's so contradictory to judge him. I love him for what he wanted to do with his life, his gift, his talents. Helping others and caring for those that loved him were his top priorities. That, and preforming. Being on stage, the only place he felt truly at home.

One of my wishes for my life had been to meet him. Who knew, Daddy? Who knew you would get that chance before me?? You introduced me to Michael in the first place and you get to be with him first. Lucky :)
Please tell him what you know is in my heart. As I have done countless times in the past, I will continue to honor Michael's deeds and his name. What a glorious man we lost this day, June 25, 2009.

May your soul finally find peace in the eternal Neverland of Heaven.



Read this article, it fully summarizes the truth of Michael. Amazing writer!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28421752/ns/entertainment-music/

Quote Quincy Jones: "He had it all…talent, grace, professionalism and dedication. He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I’ve lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him.”

It's OK Quincy, a part of my soul went with him as well. The world is a shade less brighter for losing Michael Jackson.

Summertime

Living in Hays I had the entire upstairs to myself and living at home I was able to retire to my room and shut the door (and not be bothered.) I guess during the last 4 years I never realized how much I appreciated or loved that alone time. This summer I'm constantly with the kids, which in itself is not a bad thing, but it's like being a mom, in a way. I am constantly responsible for the lives and well-being of two other people and they must always come before me (now this is going to start sounding selfish, which wasn't my intent.) It's just a strange feeling knowing that I can't shut my mind down and read, lose myself for awhile on the internet, or study by myself uninterrupted because I'm responsible for other people. This feeling just reinforces to me that I am in no way ready to be a parent/married/anything like that. Not that I won't be someday, but not right now. At this point in my life, I really, truly enjoy the time I have just to myself. I'm not really ashamed of that sounding selfish because a person can only enjoy time like this while they have it. After parenthood everything changes. I know this summer has already made me appreciate my parents more for all that they did for me growing up. Parents really are the greatest people in the world.

Father's Day was last Sunday. Happy Father's Day, Daddy and Grandpa Musil. Love you, Miss you, Always.



This Sunday's PostSecret was all about Father's Day. Even though this wasn't a perfect fit, it still made good sense for me. There was another that I couldn't get uploaded that said:

If I was ever granted just one wish it would be for you to have your Father back.

"Believe"

...

I was holding on, now I'm letting go
This is nothing more than a picture show
Everything I knew, now I hardly know
Busy keeping less, never getting more

One more nickel dime I'm out the door
This kind of life I can't afford

I want to believe
There's something to believe
I would live only
Just to believe
Oh, I'd love to believe
It's not only me, that's longing
Only just to believe
'Cause I want to believe
I want to believe

Can't put my mind at ease with the words I say
Trying to get myself to get out of my way
Birds in the trees, just make me depressed
Seeing sunny skies, feeling emptiness

Layers of lies just seem to fold
This kind of life is all I know

I want to believe
There's something to believe
I would live only
Just to believe
Oh, I'd love to believe
It's not only me that's longing
Only just to believe
'Cause I want to believe
I want to believe

Murder wears a friendly smile
Like the perfect end in a plastic vial
No pain
Sorry I can't seem to stay
But this bird was meant to fly away
Fly away, fly away

Layers of lies just seem to fold
This kind of life is all I know

I want to believe
There's something to believe
I would live only
Just to believe
Oh, I'd love to believe
It's not only me that's longing
Only just to believe
'Cause I want to believe
I want to believe

I will believe
I'd love to believe
I can believe in something
I will believe
I'd love to believe
I can't believe in nothing


Hanson's "Believe"

Sums up how I felt today much more poetically than I could have said it at any point in the last 24 hours--unfortunately, my self expression probably would have came in the form of screaming into a pillow for untold hours or crying pathetically for apparently no reason. All out of complete and utter frustration/helplessness...

A song is much less violent and doesn't leave one with a stuffy nose, red eyes, and a sore throat.

Such is life...


Thanks guys!

Statement of Goals

Ok so I don't have a problem setting goals...maybe sometimes I have a problem with changing those very goals halfway through...but I still DO like to set them.

Well, for graduate school they want me to write a Statement of goals outlining what I intend to do with a Master's degree for their University. What the hell? I have NO idea what I want to do with a Master's degree from their University. Which is precisely why I want to go to grad school in the first place. I'm 22 years old and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Getting a real job and getting stuck at this age seems so extremely FRIGHTENING to me right now that I just can't handle the thought, therefore: Grad school. Does no one else in the world feel like this??

I just cannot imagine myself getting an actual job at this point in my life...I mean, I know I have to work, but at a job that I would be doing FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?? I don't think so... Do you know how much life I plan on living yet? A lot...so why start now with all the serious stuff? I have so many things I want to do before I "settle down, start a family, and work for the rest of my life." Unfortunately, the only way out of that scenario that I can see right now it going to grad school and finding ways to travel and be a kid, which I plan on doing...so quit making me articulate my "goals."


Someday soon I plan on this being MY secret:

See you later...

Saying goodbye is overrated. Especially when it's associated with something sad. And while leaving Marshall in Norman yesterday WAS sad, it wasn't sad in the sense of being melancholy, depressing, etc....it was sad in that he won't be with us anymore. Which is selfish and really, it is time for him to move on and pursue the dreams he's had since he was little. Mom and I (and the rest of his loving family!) have prepared him for this day as much as we can, and now it's his turn to make his own mark on the world.

Driving away I had this overwhelming sense of pride. I'm so proud of my little brother and I can honestly say I feel sure that he is destined to succeed. Anyone that knows me knows I wouldn't have left him there, a state away, if I didn't feel completely OK with the situation (which may be a little too protective, but he's very important to me). Also, I just felt that we weren't leaving him there alone. And we weren't. He's never alone with a guardian angel like Dad, so why worry?

And really, when this is the view from your dorm room.....

What else is there to say?!

BOOMER SOONER---GO OU!!!!!!

PostSecret

I wonder this...
....and if I jump into bed fast enough at night the monster under the bed won't get me.
....and if you don't look out the window at night, nothing will get you.

Overactive imagination.



This makes me sad. But intrigues me as well. It's interesting to me that someone would associate their feelings as a human with those of the disciple Judas.


I love PostSecret.

Finish the Sentence...

1. My ex.....is swathing alfalfa by Raymond right now.
2. Maybe I should.....be writing lists for Mom's wedding.
3. I love....my life. It might be hard sometimes, but it's perfect.
4. People would say that I.....am crazy and geeky...but they love me anyway!
5. I don't understand.....how some people raise their children or why others feel the need to grow up so quickly. I'm just fine taking all the time in the world.
6. When I wake up in the morning....I'm STARVING! Sleeping is such hard work.
7. I have lost.....a piece of my heart. And it hurts.
8. Life is full of.....limitless possibilities that I can't wait to explore!
9. My past taught me.....to live each day to the fullest. You never know how much time you have.
10. I get annoyed....."when there is a schedule and yet some people think it means I'm up-tight if I want to stick to it. I feel like someone truly loves me if they can be on time. It's something about effort and thinking ahead that proves it." I totally quoted my friend Audree here, but this is EXACTLY how I feel.
11. Parties are.....done. I think I was over them before I started them.
12. I wish....so many things there's no way I could list them all. Success for my brother, a perfect wedding for my mother, and a tall, dark, handsome, Italian man for me ;)
13. Dogs.....sense my fear of them. And then lick my leg. EWWWW
14. Cats....prefect. I want a kitten that stays a kitten forever.
15. Tomorrow is.....another gift from God.
16. I have a low tolerance for...... ignorance.
17. If I had a million dollars.....I would buy a green dress, but not a real green dress, that's cruel.
18. I'm totally terrified of.....spiders, spiders, oh, and did I mention? Spiders.
19. I've come to realize that my last kiss....felt just like the first time....
20. I am listening to......The Suite Life of Zack and Cody in the other room. Jerred is watching it.
21. I talk....constantly. My friends and family know this and are prepared for it.
22. My best friend.....is away from me from the first time since we were 6 and I'm lost without him. I tried to convince him to move in with me in Oklahoma, but no luck so far...
23. My first real kiss was......in Jenny's basement with Shane. We were with two other couples and still get made fun of for that night to this day. We will never live it down. At least I can laugh about it now.
24. Love is..... complicated and great all at the same time!
25. Marriage is......not for me right now.
26. Somewhere, someone is thinking....about the person they love.
27. I'll always....be crazy, stubborn, and a control-freak. It will take a special person to live with me :)
28. The last time I really cried was because......Marshall finally became a State Champion. 2009 State Champion in the 110 hurdles. It was FANTASTIC!
29. My cell phone is.....my little Berry. Love it!
30. Before I go to bed......I must read. Till I fall asleep.
31. Right now I am thinking about......nothing that needs to be revealed here.
32. Babies are.....absolutely awesome, but not for me right now. Someday though. I really want to be a mom!
33. Today I......played the Spongebob Squarepants game with Jerred.
34. Tomorrow I will be......at my brother's going away BBQ.
35. I really want to be.....a world traveler!

And just for fun ;)

New Moon

On the MTV Movie Awards Sunday night a trailer for New Moon. AMAZING! I actually can honestly say I'm much more excited for this movie than I was Twilight. I love Jacob and I can't wait to see how his movie character progresses. Also, I just remember how vividly I felt Bella's pain in this book, how real and raw it was. It will be interesting to see how that translates into film. I hope I'm not disappointed!

Here's the link to the video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb8lN8alYl0



Ah...Jacob.